Pursuit of “Happy-ness”

For a few days i was struck by the thought of pursuing happiness. After reflections i conclude that there is no absolute definition of such state. The idea of finding this was conceived after i watched Kris’ interview of Maine Mendoza. Her ultimate goal in life is to have a lasting genuine happiness. I was puzzled and still i am about how a blessed being is on chasing “happy-ness” when in fact she has all there is. But i wont peruse her and inflict my views. The state of happiness is rather personal and making a stance on others foot will only  subjectify the idea. It would be more significant to exploit this topic by simply looking at our self… so for me, what is happiness. In simple manner I’d like to define it as a state of varying degrees of positive outlook to life and a means of disposition. Its not the ultimatum of a  journey but a constant pursuit of one’s value to existence. I usually stumble this mantra whenever i research on law of attraction and that’s why i correlate it to positivity. Happiness is not the lack of negative circumstances but preferably seeing the good in all things, seeing the best in everything!

Just like love, it is a matter of perspective. I always ask myself about this,

“Am i happy with my current state? (my job, salary, professional growth, experiences, finances, spiritual growth, relationships and so on..)

“Would i be happy had i known i am meant to do other profession or work in other place and meet other people? ”

When i scroll down social media and saw some friends living a life that i once dream of and thinking the “what ifs” for me, would i be happy if i was in their place? The first thing i would feel is envy. “would” for such position is idealistic but then the next question would be, who im going to spend my day with. If im going to live in Canada, who will be my friends? where’s my siblings? whose going to look after my parents. Dreaming of becoming in other person’s shoes. I had to admit I’ve been too idealistic. So may choices so little time. Then it hit me I’ve been experiencing the modern anxiety of FOMO ( Fear of missing out). Instead of having relax time on my space after strenuous work, i cant help but think what i have been missing all this time.

“oh what a lovely place she got there. cozy snowy feel”

“she’s really brilliant. she’s having the best career in New York. How smart”

Comparing lifestyles from friends on social media and judging oneself that i haven’t had the opportunity to spend the best day of my life is stressful. That should not be the case. So i look back on my journey. Definitely not a waste of time and a loophole in thinking i didn’t choose to where i am now. I am here because this is what happiness looks like on my younger years. I am here because of what i was growing up.

My happiness for like ten years ago is to pass the board exam then i get it. Now im  living the dream i thought so. Then its not enough. Along the way we are presented with various pleasures in life and its not easy to choose whats best. it is always “looking forward” on my book. What i should do now so that i will reap the fruits in the future. I should get the license so i will i have a better job. I will save so i can buy what i want or travel where i want to be. Generally speaking it is good that we have to save for rainy days but the fact that we are looking forward for the rain, the destructive rain, might steal the moment we have in the present time. Nowadays, there is this invisible whisper from your gut telling you to spend your time so that you may have something to share to the universe. Instead of thinking what other people has i should be more introspective of how i live my life. I don’t want the outside force to dictate what is happiness in the eyes of society. Because we, humans are hungry for validation we keep seeking out and try to experience the so-called happiness-slash-instagrammable point in time. So i try to stop lurking to some of my social media platforms.I try to stop comparing myself and devaluing the work i had just to make my choices conform to the norm.  Each of us have unique way of living a life.I find joy in some things others wont or even look me down. Different spectrum applies to different people.  Life’s not a competition. So does happiness.



About larrythess

Move to Dubai from Abu Dhabi. Currently working as Financial Accountant. My profession never tells me who i am until i fangirl, read books, watch movies and do long night preppy talks over the internet. My ultimate dream is to own an empire. char! Began writing personal journals since 2000, eventually open this blog to publish the torn pages. Memories are my foods and I’d like to think that i have words smartly uttered.
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