I am sitting inside my office tapping the keyboard of my computer pretending that i am busy. This is my daily routine and i don’t get used to it. Here’s the thing, if i don’t have any works to do (or rather finished my task at hand) its even harder to flap the documents over my table and squeeze my brain figuring out what work did i missed, or even payable i forgot to pay, or receivables i did not call to collect or worst there’s an impending fall of market waiting to collapse and I’m just here sitting with no idea what is happening on a larger scale. Im no lazy employee just so you know. This is my reality to be honest. Everyone here inside F&A cubicle were busy tapping their calculators, checking invoices and supporting papers, and silently typing their keyboards in harmony.
These two men i share the room with were, i think, in their 50’s with wives left at home waiting for their return. While me, i go on with my drama of looking through the window and having my mind wander off the farthest of the city. Take note, our office were situated outside the city along with many factories and housed to most laborers. Basically what i only see is vast scenic view of construction equipments, post-accident crushed cars and grubby men laying down on a grassy backyard. Technically, i am in isolation – geographically, physically and emotionally.
Because i have the time of my life, so to speak, i download pdf book file of “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I love the introduction since i read it the other night when my roommate Monica lend me her book. And i realized my love for memoir books. This is just refreshing having read someone else account. Some of my time i spent it on reading but more on writing and reflecting really. Who would have thought i can make this article while working. I so miss writing. This past months i have nothing to ponder with and my journal is lifeless. i find it hard to write for i was absolutely ashamed of my words and my thoughts are elusive. In short i dont make sense. “I dont know”- is the word i often use in every sentence i write in the past and also the most convenient. so i will use it again… I dont know why i feel so empty and unfocused. I only want one thing – to find a job in Dubai.
For almost 2 years of living independently here in Abu Dhabi, with family and friends in the other city, my solitary days was always a weakness. Think that i could not carry on another years of having an abrupt weekends because of Saturday work. Friday nights are usual gathering of friends. Everyone is on their jolly cheerful mood and you cant help but to refuse an invitation of sleep-over. Its a matter of living a life basically. So while I have a free time at the office might as well used it productively. I used every opportunity to sneakily send CV’s on jobsites. Its already mid-November and i wanted to get out as soon as possible from this monotonous, soul withering state of life. I had my interview 3 weeks ago so that means I’ve been sending CVs for 3 long weeks and none of it followed the first. That was a missed opportunity. sadly i did not get the job. I think i see it coming. I did not expect anymore that the interviewer will call me back. You see how erratic my thoughts are it is because i dont have enough faith in myself – or do i? Maybe i highly think of myself either like i was a valuable asset but im such a finicky job seeker. I got a phone call the last day but i was not yet enthusiastic of the outcome. I already told my friends about my plan of moving to Dubai and of course, helping me out to find a job. They actually urged me to apply to my friend’s previous position — in administration. I’m grateful for friends and their help is much appreciated. However, a job must also mean i should have at least work along with my qualifications. Must be out there. I know in God’s time, He will give me my heart’s desire.
Ate Lotus told me that her younger sister’s also seeking for employment. My first interview was our real-deal. It was a domino plan- I will get a job offer then submit my resignation then after recommend her sister as a replacement. The circumstance did not favor us and so we are stuck. Evey time i was asked by my siblings on my application status lately, i just shrugged it off. Oftentimes i did not reply. Technically i only have until the end of January as my visa will expire but i will not wait to face the imminent seat of interrogation regarding my extension. Graceful exit is ideal. Those two years i am still grateful with my current company. I learn a lot– i learn significantly. Nevertheless, having a job in Dubai means everything to me. Its a dream come true. I cannot wait for the time that God will answer all my prayers. I know it will come sooner or later. I hold it dearly in my heart.